I Did Not Give That Spider Superhuman Intelligence! by Richard Roberts

Author:Richard Roberts [Roberts, Richard]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Superhero, Action & Adventure
ISBN: 9781620072530
Google: iblfswEACAAJ
Amazon: B01LYNX2DQ
Publisher: Curiosity Quills Press
Published: 2016-12-02T00:00:00+00:00

oday on Exiled Jungle Queen Crime Fighting Theater, our heroine threads perilous Westbound traffic at the wheel of a two-thirds scale automobile packed with a deadly cargo of glittery metal-studded fox girls and giant spiders! Will she reach the abandoned oil field in time, while wrestling with her misuse of plurals?

And what was the weirdest part of this? Getting used to an automatic transmission. I’d owned this car for, what, a week? My left foot still kept feeling around for the clutch.

In the passenger seat, Starshine bounced with so much energy that I hoped the seatbelts were made of Super Mad Science Fabric. “It’s a beautiful day to be your first day outside, Annabelle. Look at the sky. There’s no smog today at all. Is it everything you hoped?”

Annabelle’s shiny black body filled the backseat, her legs folded up against her shell like lawn chairs. She fit… barely. Barely was enough! She sounded happy rather than uncomfortable. “The sense of space, of having the world move around me, is thrilling. Out here is opportunity. In a cage, there is nothing. Not that the sky isn’t pretty, but cars, street signs, buildings, a living world that I can take part in, that is beautiful.”

Starshine leaned back and patted Annabelle’s bulging, leathery butt. “Those are signs of better things to come.”

I narrowed my eyes, taking them off the road just long enough to give Starshine a suspicious stare. “Annabelle didn’t sign up for puns.”

“I didn’t want her moping and sign back there.”

It took my brain a second to match “sign” to “sighing.” Ugh. “That’s it, I’m a-sign-ing pun duty to someone else.”

“Stop,” begged Annabelle from the backseat.

Starshine and I exchanged glances. Oh, it was ON.

“Me? Yield?” I asked.

“Maybe she just wants us to slow.” The kid sniffed hoity-toitily. “Pedestrian.”

“Right. Lane ends to ends back there has made her cranky.”

Starshine held up her hands. “I’m through. Traffic only, that’s my new topic.”

Annabelle let out a loud, aggrieved sigh.

By the time we pulled into the lot surrounding Delicious’s candy-colonized oil tank, Starshine and I had long since run out of street sign puns and merely basked in our crushing defeat of the forces of arachnid stodginess.

No brightly blazoned beautiful behemoth brute came forth to challenge us, even though I did that sharp turn skidding to a halt thing again. This car was awesome that way. I might use the word “righteous.”

As I got out, someone did wander over from the darkened entrance of Chez Sugaire. It wasn’t Her Clobberingness, just a soft-looking woman in her thirties or forties with the plainest, janest brown hair.

Here’s hoping Pong hadn’t been told to keep us out. My mad sciencemobile would survive rapid ejection from the lot, but the whole “catapulted spinning through the air” thing might be bad for my innocent charges.

Holding up both hands, palms out, I declared, “I come in peace!”

Pong snorted an awkward laugh. “You’ll figure out some way to fix that. What’s up, Goodnight?” She threw in a quick peek skyward, in case I took the question literally.

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